2007 Almost As Bad As 2006,Bring on 2008

For those of you out that checked in today expecting a good number of New Year's Eve posts, I apologize. You see my ISP, who will remain nameless but who’s name starts with Comc and ends with asstastic left me without a connection for the majority of the day. 

But anyways, it's about that time. And to help usher in the new year I thought I'd post an appropriately titled "Time After Time" photograph by artist Ori Gersht. What he does is take bouquets, freeze them in liquid nitrogen, and then smashes the hell out them while taking pictures with a high speed camera. I'm pretty sure I saw Mr. Wizard do the same thing (minus the photography) when I was a kid, but that doesn't take away from this piece's awesomeness. Enjoy.

Now everyone get out there and make me proud tonight. Get too drunk, make out with someone that's too ugly, and wake up too hungover. Because that, my friends, is what New Years Eve is all about. Well that, and regretting every decision you made in 2007. So feel free to rant here with any 2007 misgivings or wild New Year's stories that involve serious debauchery. I’ll be back Wednesday if the world hasn’t exploded.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, LET IT ALL HANG OUT!

Take a Nokia E90 cell phone, add one 12 gauge shotgun blast, throw that bitch up on eBay and what do you get? Apparently $20.50. The description of the "for parts ONLY" phone follows.
The unfortunate victim of a negligent discharge from a 12 Gauge Shotgun loaded with 00 Buckshot. Fortunately no one was hurt. 

My Loss and Stupidity is Your Gain!

Half of the phone is still intact. Neither screen survived, however the camera, Front Keypad, SIM and Mini SD reader and part of the plastics are still intact. 

The phone is being sold AS IS. Obviously it Does NOT work or power on! 

Battery and Battery Cover are NOT included. 


As soon as I read this story I started shooting cellphones and selling them on eBay. I'm gonna be rich. Unfortunately I'm also going to be disabled, because I forgot to take a phone out of my pocket before shooting it. Can you sell human legs on eBay?

Robotic researcher Sylvain Calinon developed a cute little robot that draws portraits. He sits there until he detects a face in his field of view, and then takes a picture and draws your face based on the photo. He uses a bad-ass feather pen and ink well and holds his pen like a kindergartener. Which is awesome, because so do I. He also draws like I do, which isn't very well. Unless the person in the picture/video just has two cavernous holes instead of eyes, in which case the robot is a great artist. And the dude should invest in some freaking eyepatches. And become a pirate. Yarr!

Some crazy German company makes a product called Vulva that smells like a woman's nether-regions. You take the glass vial, give it a shake, and then rub some on the back of your hand. They sent a free sample and I must say I'm actually getting sick while I write this. Currently the original scent is the only one available, but Eighteen and Exotic scents are coming soon. One vial runs about $29 and is disgusting. Yep, I'm puking in my mouth. Geez, I can't believe I even managed to type all this. Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the back of my hand before I get any sicker. Wait, the dog is licking it. Oh the humanity.

Vivid Audio's new G1 Giya speakers were recently unveiled, and as you can see, they look ridiculous. They stand 5 1/2 feet tall, weigh 154 pounds each, and are capable of handling frequencies between 23Hz and 44kHz with 800-watts of power. They also come with automotive paint finishes and cost $54,000. Proving beyond a doubt the damn speakers think they're cars. They're both painted and priced like them, so it's no wonder the poor bastards are so confused. And as much as I would love to own them, I don't exactly live in a magic lamp and grant wishes. Okay fine, I do grant wishes. But only ones that have to do with me and hot chicks getting it on. And even those aren’t so much wishes as they are wet dreams I have.

FRONT is an interactive system that motion captures the strokes you make when drawing in 3D space. It takes the information, processes it through a computer, and allows you to watch a video of what you were drawing while you did it, as well as send the data to a 3D molding machine to actually produce what you sketched. Pretty freaking neat idea, but as is evident from the questionable furniture in the picture, you need to be able to draw worth a shit to make something worthwhile. And who wants furniture anyways, I'd draw myself a damn car, or better yet, a woman. One that doesn't yell at me all the time. And isn't flat-chested. Good burn to the current girlfriend! Uh oh, here she comes. "No I'm not typing anything bad. No you can't see my laptop. Hey, give that back! Well it's true isn't it? I don't give you a hard time when you tell all your friends about my little nubbin do I? I WAS JUST TESTING -- YOU ACTUALLY TOLD THEM THAT!? I freaking hate you!"

The OLED TIWE (like TIME, but with the M upside down!) watch by industrial designer Lv Zhogfang is a neat concept. It normally displays a bunch of little white balls ("stars") randomly floating around the face. But when you give it a shake or tap on the glass, PRESTO! -- the balls come together to show the time! While still in the early stages of development, it doesn't seem like it would be that difficult to manufacture. And if they're not too expensive I'd get one. It's definitely a step up from the "shake activated" watch I have now. When you shake mine the minute and hour hands come off and float around inside. It would be cool if that was supposed to happen, but it's not. Stupid Folex.

The DVD Coach is a stand-alone CD/DVD duplicator that needs no computer in order to function. It burns at 8x for DVDs and 16x for CDs (half that for RW). Not bad for the budding little DVD pirate. It has Lightscribe functionality, but must be connected to a PC for the graphics work. The only catch is the price, which is between $340 and $460. Which isn't even the worst thing I've ever heard. No, the worst thing I've ever heard is the name of the product -- DVD Coach. I hate coaches, too many bad memories. Particularly of 'ol Shortshorts McGrabass, my high school basketball coach. Whenever he wasn't trying to grab your ass he was trying to get the whole team to shower together. "Damn you smell like a bunch of rotten turds, now get in the shower -- and none of that soap-on-a-rope bullshit, you'll all use regular bars like real men." Then he'd strip down and get in the shower with us. And that, my friends, is when I learned to shove a shampoo bottle up my rear for protection.

A retired naturalist who particularly loves bats had a batcave home theater installed in his cellar. DC Audio Video Systems in New Hampshire was responsible for the install.
The set-up includes prop bats which hang from above, a motorized 110 16:9 Stewart Electriscreen, Triad Silver THX Speakers, and a Sony G90, a $36,000 commercial 1080p 2500 x 2000 CRT projector. The room also features eight black, motorized leather recliners and a LiteTouch LC5000 System for Lighting Control.

When I first found the article I thought for sure it was going to be a Batman enthusiast's work, not an actual bat-lover's. And sure as hell not the dream of some naturalist. Shouldn't he be out playing naked volleyball or something? Why's he down in a cellar watching movies when he could be on the beach with his ding-dong waving, frolicking with naked old women with saggy cans. Because I've seen a lot of naturalist pictures, and that's what they all look like. What's that? I'm thinking of naturists? Whatever, I bet naturalists are freaks too.